I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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