She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
