So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I think my moral compass just broke
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