a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
