i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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