I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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