Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
