these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
