Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
