okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Let's get the cat blown out
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