The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
