"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
