Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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