About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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