im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
