hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
