I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
