please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Pants are for mortals
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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