We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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