Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
