i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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