Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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