I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
