she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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