sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
