why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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