Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
