shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
