so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize