At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
