u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
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