Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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