YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
And then he peed in my hair
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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