I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
