I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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