I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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