How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
