i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
