Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Semen is not good for contacts.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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