Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
