Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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