Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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