So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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