I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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