Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
