I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
