Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
