It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
