he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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