and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
