Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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