That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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