somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
