This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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