captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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