Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
