Where did you get a picture of my penis
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
