I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
