dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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