absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
