I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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