he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize