he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
What a dumb baby whore.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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