did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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