I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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