I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Quick, to the slutcave!
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
