something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
