So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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