So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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