After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
