Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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