Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Randomize
