You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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