You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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